Energy Drink Roundup

Written by Clive Webster

March 14, 2009 | 00:00

Tags: #caffeine #energy-drinks #pussy #taste

Companies: #bit-tech #relentless #test

Jola CX2 Cola

Manufacturer: Wet Planet Beverages
Typical Price (UK): £2.60 (inc VAT)
Typical Price (US): $2.25 (exc tax)

Rich: Right, if you hear… [depressurising pop] oo, wow!

Clive: It’s pressurised then? And smoking…

Harry: Jolt smoke!

Mark: It’s like liquid nitrogen.


Harry: Okay, this is the Jolt Power Cola. It comes in a huge battery-shaped can. Because it’s energerific, or something?

Energy Drink Roundup Jolt CX2 Cola Energy Drink Roundup Jolt CX2 Cola
Click to enlarge

Clive: ‘Cus the first thing you want to be drinking is battery fluid…

Rich: Yeah, clearly…

Rich: It looks thicker than normal cola…

Clive: [Laughs]

Mark: Just, first impressions – smell it. It smells like the cheapest, nastiest cola.

Harry: It does smell like Tesco Value cola.
Energy Drink Roundup Jolt CX2 Cola
Clive: Eeuurrgh, it really does, yeah.

Harry: [Chuckles]

Rich: It smells like liquorice cola, it’s weird.

Mark: It’s bad… smells bad.

Harry: Right, well, bottoms up.

Clive: Yeah, just tastes like nasty cola. Oh, rich has had to spit his out.

Rich: Yergh! Thass disgusting.

Clive: That’s a fail.

Mark: It’s just bad, it’s just bad cola.

Harry: It does taste like literally the cheapest, nastiest Tesco value, 10p a bottle cola.

Rich: It just tastes of syrup.

Harry: Yeah, or really bad… when you get a really horrible pint of coke at a pub.
Energy Drink Roundup Jolt CX2 Cola
All: Yeah.

Harry: And they haven’t cleaned the tubes for a while.

Rich: Ahh, what’s the other one? We’ve got a yellow jolt as well, and that one’s a red jolt. Oh, it’s passion fruit.

Mark: OMG, passion fruit cola…

Clive: Apparently the first ingredient in jolt cola is carbonated water, the second one is high-fructose corn syrup… I think that tells you all you need to know.

Rich: Yeah…

Clive: So that was a bit of a fail.
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