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Most Broken Game: A Travel Guide

Posted on 12th Sep 2010 at 00:59 by Phil Hartup with 10 comments

Phil Hartup
Here at the Realia Tourist Board we’d like to wish you a safe and pleasant stay in our little country. Please drive carefully and use pain medication responsibly, because it’s highly addictive.

There are two main towns in Realia, each with distinct character and places to visit.

Puerto Sombra, is the only town in the country fully controlled by the government and is sprawling colonial town offering plenty to see and do for those new to Realia. The main church is here, as is the only police station our great nation has, not to mention the offices of the national newspaper.

Puerto Sombra is also home to El Jaguar Negro, a small pub which, like all good bars, offers connections to large scale criminal organisations as standard, as well as hapless victims of assorted crimes looking for help. The Police Station on the other hand offers neither of these. In the event that you become a victim of crime yourself please be advised that wasting police time with such matters is likely to get you laughed at and you really should have picked up more guns at the Duty Free.

Most Broken Game: A Travel Guide
In the jungle pots of jam rain down as if excreted by flying jaguars

Unlike many colonial towns in Latin America, Puerto Sombra is noted for its almost entirely square architecture.

The second major town is Pueblo Faro. Controlled by the FAPC revolutionaries, this town shares much of the square architecture of Puerto Sombra but has no formal police force. Instead, there is a mechanic, Camillo, who can repair weapons for you so you can make your own enforcement arrangements. As with Puerto Sombra there is only one bar, the somewhat more upmarket Azteco, which is home to members of the foreign intelligence services, including the CIA.

Tequila and international espionage are just some of the highlights on offer in Pueblo Faro though! The town also offers many spectator sports, such as the local Helicopter Death Match league. At any given time above the city you might get to see government and guerrilla gunships engaged in this most traditional of Realian hobbies. Please be aware that the Realia Tourist Board takes no responsibility for any injury which may occur from watching these fights from directly below.

Most Broken Game: A Travel Guide
Realia's bus stops are known to commit random acts of explosion

For those who desire something different in a holiday than colourful local bars and airborne combat it can be pleasant to take a trip out and about into the countryside. It is important however to consider the following minor safety issues:
  • All the native reptile, insect and mammal species in Realia will kill humans on sight. Please bear this in mind when attempting to photograph or feed them.
  • Any body of water will almost certainly contain hungry man-eating piranhas. Please limit any activities in lakes or rivers to a maximum five second duration.
  • Please be sure to park safely, as even parked cars have been known to kill careless pedestrians who have stumbled into them and the locals do not take kindly to inconsiderate drivers.
  • It is important to remain awake and alert while driving, but it is more important that you never, ever stop between destinations in case your fuel supply suddenly vanishes.
  • If you do find that you’ve run out of petrol it could be worth taking the time to complete a will or note to loved ones.
We hope you enjoy your stay in Realia and remember, if the worst does come to the worst, our fresh baked doughnuts cure bullet wounds.

Boiling Point: Road to Hell was a FPS/RPG released in 2005 which is remembered here for both it's ambition and the bugginess of the original release.

10 Comments

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jimmyjj 12th September 2010, 01:16 Quote
I have never before said "first" on a forum. Never will I again.

But humour me just his once:

"first"

May I ask, does the website auto update content automatically, or are you actually working at 1.00am at the weekend?
brave758 12th September 2010, 03:20 Quote
no
CardJoe 12th September 2010, 07:37 Quote
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmyjj
I have never before said "first" on a forum. Never will I again.

But humour me just his once:

"first"

May I ask, does the website auto update content automatically, or are you actually working at 1.00am at the weekend?

The latter.
Cthippo 12th September 2010, 07:42 Quote
Guys, the Boiling point blog thing was cute, but can we let it go now? Please?
theineffablebob 12th September 2010, 10:32 Quote
This post reminded me that there is a Boiling Point sequel in development. How's that coming along? Haven't heard about it in a while.
HyBry 12th September 2010, 11:36 Quote
Quote:
Originally Posted by theineffablebob
This post reminded me that there is a Boiling Point sequel in development. How's that coming along? Haven't heard about it in a while.

cancelled in English, but have been released in Russian. I think the company went bust
capnPedro 12th September 2010, 12:23 Quote
If your Jarate has blood in it, contact your GP immediately.
steveo_mcg 12th September 2010, 13:36 Quote
Or at least start spamming the E key :)
yakyb 13th September 2010, 08:28 Quote
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cthippo
Guys, the Boiling point blog thing was cute, but can we let it go now? Please?
hey, im enjoying them

my favourite from the article
Quote:

Please be sure to park safely, as even parked cars have been known to kill careless pedestrians who have stumbled into them and the locals do not take kindly to inconsiderate drivers.

as its completely true
TWeaK 13th September 2010, 15:49 Quote
Best one yet!

These articles are actually making me want to buy the game XD
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