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Most Broken Game: Stockholm Syndrome

Posted on 10th Sep 2010 at 11:32 by Phil Hartup with 12 comments

Phil Hartup
The mission is a pretty simple one – a bunch of natives being used as slaves at a plantation deep in the jungle need rescuing. The place is guarded, but it’s no Fort Knox. The enemy are toting small arms, grenades; nothing too heavy. The real threat is the surrounding jungle, which is full of bees, snakes and jaguars who like to spend their spare time flying through the clouds; any body of water larger than a puddle probably has some piranhas in it.

I’m not too worried about the enemies though – they’ll fall easily to my Desert Eagle lookalike and its mysteriously small five round clip. If worst comes to worse I’ve got a big, square jeep which, though it handles like a hippo on an ice rink, I’m relying on to take me and the hostages to safety. No, what I’m really worried about is the bugs.

Any diary of the actual assault would end up reading like an Andy McNab novel that’s been used for toilet paper and it’s pointless to recall the details anyway. Suffice it to say that my first attempt to sneak into the base ended when a levitating jungle cat cut me off on my way to the base. The second go was much the same; my gun jammed inexplicably, so after the first bullet I was only able to defend myself with cusswords and fierce glares.

Most Broken Game: Stockholm Syndrome
DON'T JUST STAND THERE GET IN THE CAR

On the third time I cut out the middle man and decided to drive my hefty looking jeep straight through to the target. Not so much subtlety here, but fewer bite marks. It turned out that the barrage of bullets was a lot less lethal than flying fauna – after exactly five shots and enough healing medication to revive an Egyptian mummy I had dispatched all the guards. The bandits, like the jaguars who couldn’t decide whether to crawl or soar, didn’t know whether to attack or commit suicide; most of them just threw grenades at their feet.

Finding the captives was easy enough at first – they were the only people I’d seen in hours who hadn’t shot me on sight, after all. All I had to do was try to get them out, and here, I found, the ultimate defensive measure; prisoners that don’t want to be released.

I try to talk to one of them, but they stare back glassy-eyed. I try walking up to and around them, searching for an event trigger, nothing. Eventually I pull my gun out and resort to terror tactics, firing at the ground a few times to spur them towards the jeep, but they just stand there like stoned cows. Frustrated, I shoot one in the leg, but he takes the pain with now trademark bovine stoicism as a physics glitch carries him silently over the horizon.

Most Broken Game: Stockholm Syndrome
Well, I warned you

I’m tempted to just reload to an earlier point, but then I remember that Boiling Point randomly corrupts savegames – and I’m not desperate enough to risk that yet, so I bring the car around instead and park it in front of them, fruitlessly. I’m starting to think they don’t like me personally and, though I know it can’t possibly be something I’ve said, I try apologising to the screen anyway. Then I resort to swearing, loudly and repeatedly.

Eventually, there’s nothing for it. I’ve tried using my car to nudge them slowly out of the camp, but the prospect of having to bump each one gradually back to town makes me want to eat my own face. I managed to get one of them as far as the main road, but he was squished into red jelly by passing traffic when I went back to ‘save’ another prisoner. I spent five minutes just screaming at the inhumanity of the situation.

Things didn’t improve when, upon returning to the remaining slaves, I found they’d been killed by a passing bee swarm.

Wearily, I press ESC and fall back to the main menu. Goddamit, I think to myself; not again.

Boiling Point: Road to Hell was a FPS/RPG released in 2005 which is remembered here for both it's ambition and the bugginess of the original release.

12 Comments

Discuss in the forums Reply
Kúsař 10th September 2010, 13:55 Quote
These blogs about buggy games always makes me laugh, carry on :D
Jezcentral 10th September 2010, 14:06 Quote
Could you also subtitle the game you are reviewing? You don't mention Boiling Point until two-thirds in!
steveo_mcg 10th September 2010, 14:16 Quote
That made me rofl. I love other people playing buggy games i get frustrated to easily to enjoy the eccentricity of them
HyBry 10th September 2010, 14:19 Quote
It would be lovely if someone actually came around and remade the game on some modern engine, with some improvements, while maintianing the gameplay and story intact. I think it would be a treat to replay like it was meant to be played to begin with.
Blademrk 10th September 2010, 14:26 Quote
speaking of games which corrupt/crash the game randomly when saving, I used to play Stonekeep (a DOS based dungeon crawler, which is now on GOG.com).

The game itself was really good for it's time (early to mid 90's, I think) but the save system was really frustrating - half of the time it would crash when you saved the game. This meant you would try to save even more regularaly than in any other game in case it did crash and you'd lose the last half hour of progress

I've been tempted to get it again on GOG (hopefully with the bug patched out now) if only to see how the game finished.
Pete J 10th September 2010, 14:58 Quote
Quote:
Frustrated, I shoot one in the leg, but he takes the pain with now trademark bovine stoicism as a physics glitch carries him silently over the horizon

Ha Ha :D ! Stuff like that always makes me piss myself laughing. I remember two games like that:

1) Hitman (the original): a patch introduced bullet time - unfortunately it also messed up the physics. If you killed someone in slo-mo, then shot the body afterwards (leaving slo-mo) the body would ping around the place like a tennis ball fired at 400MPH.

2) Dawn of War 2: every now and then an enemy body would glitch and start floating up towards the sky, spinning madly. Even after having floating above vision range, the shadow would still be floating all over the map!
kenco_uk 10th September 2010, 15:54 Quote
Quote:
Frustrated, I shoot one in the leg, but he takes the pain with now trademark bovine stoicism as a physics glitch carries him silently over the horizon.

Quoted again just because it is so amazingly hilarious.

Try playing Warrior Within without the savegame bugging out. Makes your arse twitch like a rabbits nose.
sleepygamer 10th September 2010, 19:38 Quote
JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION JAGUAR GET IN THE CAR!
Kiytan 11th September 2010, 12:17 Quote
the worst save games in history belong to resident evil: Survivor. it wasn't buggy, and nearly always worked...but:

It didn't save your position, just the items you had (healing items and weapons, not keys, so you need to get them again) Meaning you had to complete the entire game (probably 10+ hours) in one go. NOT FUN.

Also, loving these buggy games blogs
Ninja_182 11th September 2010, 18:31 Quote
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pete J


*chop*

2) Dawn of War 2: every now and then an enemy body would glitch and start floating up towards the sky, spinning madly. Even after having floating above vision range, the shadow would still be floating all over the map!

Isn't that just something Chaos related?
BRAWL 13th September 2010, 13:19 Quote
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninja_182
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pete J


*chop*

2) Dawn of War 2: every now and then an enemy body would glitch and start floating up towards the sky, spinning madly. Even after having floating above vision range, the shadow would still be floating all over the map!

Isn't that just something Chaos related?


WE ARE CHAOS! CHAOS IS random as hell...

These articles are cracking me >.< keep 'um coming
Eurofix 15th September 2010, 06:09 Quote
I am enjoying the whole 'Most broken game' series - please keep it up
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